


My Brother’s Keeper

by Krit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 01:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krit/pseuds/Krit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has their story to tell. Balthazar has always kept his close. Until now.</p><p>(Written June 26 2011 - Moved from my LJ - What I wanted to happen after the Season 6 finale)</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Brother’s Keeper

When Balthazar opened his eyes, he didn’t know what to think. He raised his hand to touch the spot where Castiel’s blade had skewered him. Nothing. Sitting up slowly, he took in his surroundings. He was in the woods where he had pulled the truth from Castiel and lied to his face. There was a lot of that going around. Balthazar scrambled to his feet and planned his next move. Castiel knew he had betrayed him. He stabbed him. In the back. Castiel had deliberately moved from in front of him to behind him just so he could drive that last message home. This is what it feels like. This is what you did to me.

But why was he alive? How? Deciding he’d rather ponder the meanings and implications somewhere a little bit safer and less exposed, Balthazar flew to the only place he knew he could go.

Upon arriving in Bobby’s living room, Balthazar was met with three confused and frightened faces.

“Where the hell have you been?” Dean’s voice barked out. His face was slightly different than the other two. Something more clouding his eyes.

“Sorry cupcake, I had a slight case of being found out and impaled. Thanks for that concern you’re so famous for.”

“What do you mean impaled?” Sam stood up and moved closer, eyeing Balthazar carefully. There was something else in his eyes as well. Something Balthazar hadn’t seen since… Well. That wasn’t important.

“I mean my baby brother shoved an archangel blade through my spine.” He huffed nonchalantly. “And don’t bother asking how I survived, I’m just as out of ideas as you. So. How much did I miss?”

~*~

After the three humans finished catching Balthazar up, the world seemed a little darker and he felt the need to sit down.

“That doesn’t- Cassie wouldn’t-“ He shook his head as if it would clear everything out. “No.”

“He stabbed you. Why are you having such a hard time wrapping your head around him going megalomaniacal?”

“Because. I know my brother. I know everything he’s done and everything he could do and this… This isn’t him.”

“Well it is now.” Dean grumbled, opening what Balthazar assumed was his tenth bottle of whiskey.

“And whose fault is that?”

“Excuse me?” Dean lowered the bottle slowly, his eyes narrowing. Balthazar could tell he hit a nerve. Good.

“I’m sorry, were you under the impression that this isn’t all your fault? You twisted and pulled him in every direction and then left him to hang. Unless of course you needed him for something. I stood by and watched him risk everything because of you. Watched him sacrifice himself. Literally dive into hell for you. I begged him not to. We all did. Do you know that? None of us thought he could survive. Do you know what being in hell is like for an angel? The damage it causes? We all told him he wouldn’t survive. That it was too much. A battalion of twenty angels laid siege to hell to get you. Castiel was the only one who survived. And that wasn’t the least of what he’s done for you. I’ll be the first to admit, being around you changed him much for the better in more than a few ways. But in the end… In the end, you broke him.”

Dean stared at him in shock as he tried to form words. Opting instead for a silent glare, he returned to the warm comfort of the bottle in his hand.

“What now?” Bobby interjected into the awkward silence.

“Maybe I can talk to him. Maybe… Maybe there’s something I can do.”

“You really think it’s as simple as that?”

“He’s my baby brother. I’ve taken care of him since the day he was created. We took him to the beach. We wanted to show him everything. He was so excited. He almost stepped on this little… I suppose you could call it a fish. Lucy stopped him. Told him how there were big plans. We all knew that. Knew what dad was cooking up from that little fish. If we had really known… Well anyway. Cassie just stared at the thing for a moment, and then knelt down next to it and began to pet it.” He chuckled quietly to himself as if reliving the memory in his head. “In that moment. All at once, we knew. We knew what he would be. How he would be. Everything that was in his heart. We knew.”

“Wait a minute. When you say Lucy…” Sam trailed off, looking at Balthazar incredulously.

“People forget. Lucifer wasn’t always what he became. There was a time. A very long time ago. When he was our big brother. Kind. Helpful. He loved us. Mentored us. What he became, well. My brother died and was replaced by the devil.”

Balthazar didn’t miss the quick dart that Dean’s eyes made over to Sam.

“So I think you’ll understand if I’m not willing to let my brother die and become some new god.”

“Are you seriously comparing Cas to Lucifer?” Balthazar couldn’t tell what Dean was angrier about; the implication, or the fact that it fit.

“Yes I am. And I think it may be the only way to get through to him. If I had to pick one angel who was the most hurt and broken hearted by Lucifer’s fall, it was Castiel.”

“Why is that?”

“You’ve heard that Lucifer was dad’s favorite? Well, Castiel was Lucifer’s favorite. The littlest angel. Our baby brother. We all looked out for him. Protected him. Spoiled him rotten. But Lucifer… He doted on him. More than any of us. He taught Cassie everything he could think of. They were as close as… Well… As close as you two lugs.”

“So why did Cas stay loyal to God? Why not join his favorite big brother?”

A shudder ripped through Balthazar at the question.

“Because he knew that Lucifer was wrong. It broke his heart to stand against him. But he knew that he was making the right choice. Lucifer tried to get Cas to join him. During that first war he… He captured him. Tried to persuade him to switch sides. He tortured him.”

“How long?” Dean rasped out. “How long did that son of a bitch have him for?”

“Roughly? Three thousand years. And I think Sam can tell you just how fun and inventive Lucy can be.” Balthazar almost felt bad at the look that Sam cast at the floor. But he was too caught up in his own emotions to care. “When we finally got him back… Broken. So very…” He sighed. “I remember Gabe holding him after we got him back. I remember saying over and over that I would kill Lucifer for what he did. And Cassie… He just looked up at me. This confused, innocent, and honest look on his face, and asked me ‘Why would you say such a thing?’” Balthazar rubbed his hands over his face. “There is not a malignant iota of Castiel’s being. There never has been. Whatever he’s going through right now. We can fix this. I can fix this.”

~*~

“So what’s the plan then?” Dean asked, trying so very hard to slip into his uncaring down to business mode. Trying and failing. “You just gonna go to Cas tell him he’s your baby brother and you love him? Maybe reminisce about a broken crayon? I’ve got news for you; real life doesn’t work like that.”

“I’m aware. But Cassie’s still buried in there somewhere. If I can find him, maybe I can save him.”

“Why do you keep calling him that anyway? Do all of you have cute little pet names for each other or something?”

Balthazar chuckled and shook his head. “It started a long time ago. Gabe called Lucifer Lucy once and it pissed him off, but that only made Gabe do it more. Before we knew it, he had a nickname for each of us. We all started using them as a joke and after a while it just became habit. None of us like it and most of us eventually stopped doing it. I suppose it helps me remember. We were family once. My brothers and sisters.”

“That’s just weird.”

“Oh? You don’t still call your brother Sammy?” Balthazar sighed and shook his head. “Not the point. I have to find him.”

“What? You just gonna call him? Maybe drop in and hope he doesn’t smite your ass? I hate to break it to ya, but your little brother isn’t exactly welcoming right now.” Bobby almost looked apologetic.

“I’m still alive aren’t I? If Cas wanted me dead, I would be. There’s a reason he kept me alive.” Balthazar snatched Dean’s bottle and took a long drink. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But I know him well enough that there’s a chance.”

“So the hardest part is finding him. Well alright then, we can just call him- Oh wait. He hates us now.” Dean stole the bottle back and finished it. “I don’t get it. He was all about us being on his side, and now he wants nothing to do with us. He pulls that crap about us not caring, then says we’re nothing to him? You may say he’s still in there somewhere but… He’s not Cas anymore. Not really. You didn’t see the look on his face. Cold and dead. Like he was just seeing through everything. Like he was fucking high or something.”

“He was. Dean, those souls are giving him more power than you can imagine.” Balthazar looked over at Sam. “Remember the demon blood? Magnify that by a million. He thinks he’s a god because that’s how he feels.”

“So he’s not really a god?” The metaphor seemed to have struck a chord with Sam. “But the angel blade-”

“The blade didn’t work because of how much the souls have boosted him. He’s still an angel. A high and mighty invincible angel with a napoleon complex. But still just an angel.”

“Fine.” Dean huffed, staring at the empty bottle. “You think you can get through to him, you go ahead and try. If you can get him deactivated… Get him back…”

“What then Dean? Will you apologize? Will you help him when he needs you? Will you give him a damn hug when he’s falling apart? What compromises and bargains are you willing to make to get him back?” Dean didn’t look up. “I’ll find him. I’ll fix him. I can get Castiel back. But I can’t make him come back to you. You’re going to have to do that yourself.”

Balthazar left without waiting to see if Dean had a reply. He didn’t have one anyway.

 

~*~

 

The first place Balthazar checked was really meant to be a starting point. He didn’t actually expect to find Castiel there. So of course that’s where he was. Sitting on the little stone bench. Watching a man fly a kite. He didn’t even turn around when Balthazar walked up behind him.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to come to see me.” There was something in Castiel’s voice. Not just the souls. Not just the power. Something else. Buried deep down. Something broken.

“I wasn’t sure if you were still in a stabby mood.”

“I was angry. I’m sorry. But you betrayed me. I couldn’t just let that go.”

“I would rather stand against you for all that is right, than stand beside you for all that is wrong.” Balthazar didn’t have to see Castiel’s face to know it had a painful expression etched across it. Those were the same words Castiel had choked out to Lucifer all those years ago.

“Is that what this is about? You think I’m like him?”

“I think that was all you wanted for a long time. I think that when he rebelled, you lost a big part of how you identified yourself and you’re still trying to find it. I think you need help.” Balthazar walked around the bench and knelt on front of Castiel, looking him in the eye. He looked so tired. “Please little one. Let me help you.”

“What makes you think I need your help?”

Balthazar took Castiel’s hands in his, holding up to his lips, pressing them against his sad smile. “Because you’re the youngest. We’ve always taken care of you. I remember the first time we lost you. Gabriel went into a rage I’d never seen in him before. He wouldn’t talk with anyone. Wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t an effort to find you. Then when we got you back… Oh Cassie.” Balthazar reached up one hand to smooth the hair from Castiel’s forehead. “We didn’t know what would happen. You were so hurt. Do you remember? You faded in and out. We weren’t sure at first if you even knew where you were. Gabriel held you in his lap, so careful with you, afraid to hurt you more. He kept stroking your face and kissing the top of your head and telling you everything would be alright. Do you remember?”

Castiel nodded, the memory flashing in his mind. Followed by another, more recent memory. Arriving in an old hotel, pagan gods dead in the hallways. Gabriel. Strong, smart, funny Gabriel. His big brother. The burnt imprints of his wings seared into the floor. “I remember.” He whispered, looking at the ground. “You and Rachel tended to my wounds. You were so angry.”

Balthazar nodded, kissing Castiel’s hands again. His own memories rushing forward. Blood. So much of it. Broken twisted wings. Bruises. Burns. Not an inch of Castiel was untouched. All at the hands of someone who had sworn to protect him. He remembered the soft whimpers that escaped Castiel as they cleaned him up. The sharp yelps as they reset his broken wings. The quiet sobs that seemed to begin at the very center of his being. They sat with him. Even after they finished fixing him up. They sat there and held him until he stopped shaking. Days. Weeks. None of them were sure how long it took. None of them cared.

“Why bring this up now?” Castiel mumbled. “What does it matter?”

“Because I know you’re hurt. I know you’re tired. And I know you’ve lost faith. Not just in dad, but in everyone. I think maybe you just need to remember that we still love you. That we’re still here for you. I mean really, we started an entire religion because we couldn’t stand to see you cry.”

Castiel almost smiled at that. He remembered that beautiful young girl all those years ago. Barley sixteen. A group of men raped her and she became pregnant. Castiel knew that once her people found out that she was pregnant unmarried, they would kill her. He wept. Wept for the girl. For her unborn child. For the despicable unfairness of it all. The other’s saw and he begged them to do something about it. Rachel, Balthazar, and Gabriel could never say no to Castiel. It was Gabriel’s idea in the end. He went to the girl and told her that her child was the son of God. That he was to be protected. He even told a few other people when the boy was born. It didn’t end there. Gabriel went back to her son later in his life and helped him perform ‘miracles’. He was eventually executed, which Castiel had always said defeated the purpose.

“Father was very angry with all of you.”

“Ehhh. Wasn’t the first time. Remember when you talked Rachel into stopping Abraham from killing his son?”

“She only did it because I was still angry with her for killing the children of Egypt.”

“She’d have done it anyway.” Balthazar sighed. “Don’t you understand? We’d do anything for you.”

Castiel finally looked back up at Balthazar. A mix of confusion, anger, and sadness on his face.

“Gabriel abandoned me. You and Rachel betrayed me.”

“Gabriel couldn’t handle the fighting anymore. But you told me yourself that he tried to protect you when Lucifer returned.”

“He broke my nose and trapped me on a plane of existence that consisted of nothing but shrimp until the Winchesters forced him to bring me back.”

“He did it because he cared. As for me and Rachel... Castiel. We would save you from anything you need saving from. Including yourself. Please Cassie.” Balthazar saw the corner of Castiel’s lip twitch up at the nickname. “Just this once. Stop being so damn stubborn and listen. You’re tired. You’ve been pushed to the limits. You have done and survived more than anyone could have imagined. It’s time to rest now. Send the souls back to Purgatory. There’s still time to make things right.”

Castiel didn’t reply. At least, not verbally. He slid off the bench onto the ground in front of Balthazar and wrapped his arms around him. Balthazar held his brother tightly, kissing the top of his head, and told him everything would be alright.

~*~

Dean had lost count of how many times he had paced the length of his small bedroom at Bobby’s. Lost track of what time it was. Of what day it was. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate something. Well, he remembered that it was a sandwich that Sam brought him and wouldn’t leave until Dean finished it, but he didn’t know how long ago that was. He hadn’t slept or left the house since Balthazar went off in search of Cas. Hours ago? Days? Sitting around waiting was not a Winchester specialty.

When Dean heard the rustle of breeze and feathers behind him he let out a long suffering sigh of relief.

“Finally. Did you find him?” The question died on his lips as he turned around. “Cas?” Dean had seen Castiel in bad shape in the past. This was different. Castiel looked like he had been run over by a truck after running non stop for a week. Exhausted didn’t cover it. Hurt didn’t cover it. Dean couldn’t see any physical injuries or blood but- “You look like you just went ten rounds with the Hulk.” Castiel just raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

“I’m… Drained, I suppose you could say. Are you going to finish that?”

Dean looked down at the whisky bottle in his hand as if he had never seen it before. “Yeah. I mean no. I mean… Here.” He handed over the bottle, his eyes never leaving Castiel’s face. He looked pale. The circles under his eyes were dark enough and big enough to be mistaken for bruises. His hair was messy and sprawled over his forehead. His eyes seemed darker somehow. “Cas, when you say ‘drained’…”

“The souls are gone.” Castiel took a long drink form the bottle and looked around the room. Looked anywhere but at Dean. “I’m… weakened. My powers are depleted. Not permanently but… I’ll need time to…”

“Heal?”

“Yes.” Castiel sighed and took another drink before setting the bottle on the dresser. “Dean. There are things that need to be said.”

“Save it.” Dean winced at the frightened look that flashed over Castiel’s face. “That’s not what I meant, I… Here, sit down. You look like you’re about to tip over.” Dean pulled Castiel over to the bed and sat down with him. “I’m glad you’re back. I want you to come back. All this shit that’s happened, it happened, it’s past. I want things to go back to the way they were.”

“I don’t.” Castiel murmured. “I want things to be better. I want us to be able to…” He sighed. “Balthazar says you and I have communication issues.” Dean chuckled at that. “But we should talk. We both…”

“We both screwed up.” Dean finished for him. “I know. I’m sorry Cas.”

“I’m sorry Dean. I’m so sorry.” Castiel’s voice dropped to a choked whisper as his eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t… I thought…”

“Hey. Hey, it’s alright, I know.” Dean placed a hand on Castiel’s cheek and gently turned his head to look at him. “It’s gonna be ok.”

“You can’t know that.”

“But I do. I… I think maybe, if I had done this a long time ago, we could have avoided a lot of bullshit.”

“What do you-“

Castiel’s question was cut short by Dean’s lips pressed against his. It was a gentle kiss. Almost sweet. But it had something behind it. Something strong. Castiel returned it happily.

“I love you Castiel.” Dean whispered, his thumb stroking his face.

“I love you too. I-“

“Shhh. We’ll work on our communication skills tomorrow. Right now, you need some rest.” Dean helped Castiel out of his trench coat and suit jacket and undid the buttons at his wrists and neck. Castiel looked so… vulnerable. “Come here.” Dean laid down on the bed and pulled Castiel with him, so that the angel’s head was nestled under Dean’s chin with his arm draped across him. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s back and stroked his hair with the other hand. Then Dean did something he hadn’t done since Sam was five years old. He began to sing. It was an off key, half whisper, but Castiel didn’t seem to mind.

“And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool. By making his world a little colder.” Dean felt Castiel settle closer to him as they both drifted off into sleep.

 

~*~

 

The sun was just rising as Dean opened his eyes. The orange glow poured into the room through the small window, making everything seem softer. Castiel was still curled up in Dean’s lap, his fingertips tracing the tattoo on Dean’s chest. Dean ran his fingers through Castiel’s hair, enjoying the small shiver is produced.

“Good morning sunshine.” He murmured.

“I slept.” Castiel sounded almost confused at the fact.

“After everything you’ve been through? Makes sense. And hey, it’s new day. Fresh start.”

“Is it? A fresh start? After everything… How is it possible?”

“The way I see it, we’ve all fucked up. Each of us have done things that should be unforgivable, and we forgave each other. This was just your turn.”

“Just like that?”

“That’s what families do.”

“Yes.” Castiel smiled slightly, thinking of Balthazar. “I suppose you’re right.” He looked up at Dean and for a moment was almost shocked that the bright green eyes staring back at him were filled with happiness and love. He couldn’t stop the smile that spread over his face. “It was for you. Even when I was wrong. Even when I was stupid and selfish. I still thought it was for you. Everything I’ve ever done has been for you, I think. You have this power over me.” His fingers trailed up to the scar on Dean’s shoulder, his hand sliding into place over it. “I’m afraid you make me stupid.”

Dean’s lips quirked into a playful grin before he leaned down and kissed him. The kiss was deeper and lazier than the night before, but there was more certainty about it. When they came up for air, Dean just stared at Castiel’s face, as if he was seeing him for the first time. Maybe he was.

“We should probably do that talking thing. I know I suck at it. Listening too.”

“You were forged in battle. You converse best with violence. It’s all you know. It’s all you’ve ever known.”

“That… Sums it up pretty well.”

“I can relate.”

“I think I forget sometimes. You’re this ancient warrior and I’m just some kid with a gun.”

“You’re so much more than that. Dean, you changed the very social construct of heaven.”

“You did that.”

“Because of you. Because of what I learned from you. It took me a long time to figure it out. But I think I finally have. I love you Dean. I don’t have to be anything. I don’t have to prove anything. It can just be…”

“You, me, Sam, and Bobby. Our family. Together. Fighting the good fight. That's all we need.” Dean kissed him again, softly this time. “I love you Castiel.”

 

~*~

 

Sitting in the hallway outside the bedroom door, Balthazar and Sam smiled and shook their heads at each other.

“About fucking time.”

“On more than one level. We should be going.”

“Oh definitely.”

 

FIN.


End file.
